there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
