my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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