I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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