I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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