I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
