First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
