i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
