Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
