i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
