i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
