haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
