did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
