just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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