oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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