so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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