I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
