yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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