I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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