I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
