found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
People in love make me want to vomit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
