I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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