I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
