I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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