reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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