I'll bet she douches with gravy.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
