Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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