I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
