I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
