OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
