someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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