capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
someone owes me an orgasm
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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