they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
