Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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