I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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