she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
