For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
this is an emotional support booty call
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
