just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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