She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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