and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will be naked everywhere
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
