it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
