I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
