There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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