I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
