OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
