did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he's single and there are thong briefs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
