No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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