i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
