maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
