my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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