i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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