last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
