Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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