I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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